


gone.

by renrenee



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Pain, idek... just pain, more pain, no label tingz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:01:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28650222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renrenee/pseuds/renrenee
Summary: Let me take it in, before it sinks in.
Relationships: Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Kudos: 9





	gone.

**Author's Note:**

> short drabble based on this song:  
> [ Before It Sinks In // Moira Dela Torre ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_qOi2FlEvQ)

Siyeon stares at the ceiling, trying to regulate her breathing. The pain in her chest makes it hard to breathe and she feels like crying again but there are just no more tears. There were so many signs yet she chose to ignore it, as if doing so would change the fact that she is losing Minji.

She has to say it. She has to repeat the words in her mind because she has been fooling herself for too long to still deny it. She can feel it coming. And she just wishes Minji would break it to her gently, because her heart's already been broken and it feels like it couldn't take more. 

The fact that this thing that goes on with them doesn’t even have a name and yet the change is breaking Siyeon. What they had was special and she knows it. Minji knows it. Minji was very patient. She said she does not care about anything as long as she is with Siyeon. But even patience has its limit. 

_I would look back at all of this, and wonder why I stayed in here just to watch you disappear_

Just by looking at the empty space beside her, she already knows how cold it would feel. Minji didn't go home again. And she doesn’t count the nights anymore. Maybe Minji did go home and just left early. Maybe she’s staying over at Bora’s, her new friend and workmate. Maybe she _will_ come home and probably ask if Bora could come. Maybe. Siyeon doesn't know. She doesn’t know if she wants to know. 

The place used to be hers and Minji's. A dorm they rented since college and promised to keep until they find stable jobs. They had stuck together for so long, almost doing everything together. Planned everything together. She used to not bother that this place is just temporary because Minji was just so good at making her feel like it's where she belongs. With Minji. 

And every time, she asks herself why she is still _here_ and this is always the answer. That Minji is her _home_ . And even if she feels like leaving, she would _stay_ because she has no reason to go. Even if she goes, everything would just pull her back to Minji and Minji only. 

But it's selfish... To hinder someone to go just because you want to stay. 

Siyeon takes one deep breath before getting out of bed. Maybe it’s her time to go. How? She doesn't know. Find another apartment. Go back to her parents. She doesn't know. Leaving doesn't really do anything. It can't ever erase the memories, never erase the feeling. 

_How do you go from making one your home, and then just letting it all go?_

A question she had been wanting to ask Minji because just how. How can she manage to distance herself when she used to tell Siyeon that she couldn’t imagine a future without her? 

A question she kept asking to herself because she is clueless. How can she ever let go of the person she calls her home? She doesn't think it is ever possible. 

But maybe moving out would be a start. Maybe if she starts to distance herself to everything that reminds her of Minji it will hurt less. That if the day comes that Minji admits that she does not feel the same anymore, it would not hurt as much. And she knows if Minji will ask, she will still stay.

But right now, she has to go. Before it shatters her already broken heart. Before the pain overpowers the beauty of everything they used to have.

-

Siyeon is in deep, and she doesn't have the slightest idea of how to get out. And it hurt more to watch Minji _disappear_. Minji of all people. Minji, who had given her almost all that she needed. She didn’t even need to ask. The love, happiness, comfort, assurance and even peace. It is almost impossible, until it happens. Minji soon did tell her. Then leaving the dorm too, moving in with Bora, now her girlfriend. And she could not even get mad when they talked because first, does she even have the right and second because it's Minji. Her soft and gentle Minji. And maybe it was her fault. For not being too brave. For not taking the chance. For not securing something that deserves to be kept. 

_So I breathe and let you go._

Minji, the epitome of love and every good thing, has chosen to light somebody else’s life. Some other person who is not Siyeon.

And nothing hurt more than the fact that you see the eyes of the love of your life, lose all sparkle they said will only shine for you. Nothing hurt more than the fact that the person you want to spend your life with promised a future to a person who isn't you. Nothing hurt more than the fact that Siyeon is still Minji's but Minji isn't hers anymore.

_How do I breathe and let you go?_

So Siyeon takes a step away. Shut her eyes and try everything to keep herself afloat. Because she’s sure she’ll drown. Once it sinks in. 

Once it sinks in that Minji is really _gone._

«●»

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> You can send your feedbacks to my cc: [ @renrenee ](https://curiouscat.me/renrenee/)  
> Link to my twitter: [ @jiuwuyoo ](https://twitter.com/jiuwuyoo) !


End file.
